September 23, 2006 8:14 P.M in Ohio

Did I tell you I am bi-polar? Yep, that I am. I am a 46 year old bi-polar manic depressive woman, trying to prepare herself for chemotherapy. It is not going very well.

I cannot stand the fact, that in two weeks they are going to be shooting poison into my bloodstream. Geesch, what a concept. I have protected my skin from the sun. I have drank tons of green tea, packed full of antioxidants. Don't smoke. Don't drink, but very moderately. I have worked out, my whole life. I want to scream.

The surgery went great, until I flipped out afterwards and had to be hospitalized on psyche for a few days. Well gee, I was a (so I thought) healthy (except for bi-polar) woman, just three weeks ago. I was diagnosed with cancer on a Thursday and had surgery the following Tuesday. No preparation, whatsoever. I was a physically active person, now I can hardly use my right arm, where they had to take two lymphe nodes to check for cancer. Thank God, it did not spread. But, I still have to have chemo.

I am so thankful to Jesus and the powers to be, that the surgery was so successful. I am just scared to death of the long term effects of the chemo.

I pray to Jesus. I pray to whoever maybe listening. Please, oh please, be with me. Keep my mind calm and at peace.

With faith, you have everything.

Life goes on.