September 23, 2006 8:14 P.M in Ohio

Did I tell you I am bi-polar? Yep, that I am. I am a 46 year old bi-polar manic depressive woman, trying to prepare herself for chemotherapy. It is not going very well.

I cannot stand the fact, that in two weeks they are going to be shooting poison into my bloodstream. Geesch, what a concept. I have protected my skin from the sun. I have drank tons of green tea, packed full of antioxidants. Don't smoke. Don't drink, but very moderately. I have worked out, my whole life. I want to scream.

The surgery went great, until I flipped out afterwards and had to be hospitalized on psyche for a few days. Well gee, I was a (so I thought) healthy (except for bi-polar) woman, just three weeks ago. I was diagnosed with cancer on a Thursday and had surgery the following Tuesday. No preparation, whatsoever. I was a physically active person, now I can hardly use my right arm, where they had to take two lymphe nodes to check for cancer. Thank God, it did not spread. But, I still have to have chemo.

I am so thankful to Jesus and the powers to be, that the surgery was so successful. I am just scared to death of the long term effects of the chemo.

I pray to Jesus. I pray to whoever maybe listening. Please, oh please, be with me. Keep my mind calm and at peace.

With faith, you have everything.

Life goes on.

September 23, 2006 Saturday afternoon

My son is going to work soon, to leave me alone.

I have the blues today. I am preparing myself for chemotherapy.

I went and had all my hair cut short the other day and colored my hair a bright carrot red. Why? Have no clue. Wanted to do something radical, before the radical happens. Radical cancer treatment. They got all the breast cancer. Everything turned out great, but it was an aggressive cancer, so now they will use radical aggressive chemotherapy. I will be bald in a few weeks, which will last atleast 6 months. I am SCARED TO DEATH of what the chemo will do to my body.

The one thing I never worried about, has happened.

Life goes on.

September 19, 2006

2 A.M. in the morning. I am bored. Trying to learn blogging and how to operate a computer. Not getting very far.

I do not know what I am doing, but I am learning. I subscribed to some guys blog, that looked interesting. He has videos. The one I watched, showed him ordering 1,000 happy meals at a McDonalds. It was funny.

I will someday master the blogging world and cyperspace.

As for right now, I am off to bed. Sleep, sleep and more sleep.

Night all who dwell in blogoshere.

September 18, 2006

This is a picture share of me and my son at his high school graduation.

Isn't he a good looking young man? If I may so, myself.